Going Back

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The signals for departure had been given, despite the light drizzle that was falling on the plane at the evening. John was grabbing the printed email, with all the emotion that the words written allowed him to have. The news came totally unexpectedly for him, just the morning before. A few lines from his sister telling him, that their father was terminally ill, and that he was calling for him.
It had been almost two years since the last time he had talked to his father. A discussion about the decision to move abroad looking for some sort of meaning, seemed careless in the eyes of his father. However John had a strong feeling in him, a calling of some sort, that impelled him to move away from all his friends, family, loved ones. The need to know himself, to find his place was paramount at that stage.
After he left, the contacts frequency occurred daily during the first weeks, then after some adjustment the news started to come only twice a week, and after that he would just call every fortnight. Eventually one day, communication ceased from both sides, naturally as the routine’s events took place of the thought of who was far. In John’s mind it would be easier to evolve without attachments, worries of some sort, he knew that his path had to lead him away from the family we always knew.
The stewardess came by to ask John to tight is seat belt, however the thoughts were louder in his head than any other colourful action happening around him. Finally, the stewardess touched him to remind him to buckle up is safety belt. In silence, he complied will staring at the words “terminally ill”.
Is mind wondered off to a moment of his childhood.
He was 10, and it was night, as it happened so often, John was watching with his father a late night movie. However, this one was reaching out to the emotions related to death, like no other had done up to then. The story was about an island that had a volcano, that had start it’s activity, killing many people that lived in villages scattered through the island. In the last moments of the movie, the few people that remained were desperately trying to reach the coast of the island, where the last ship would take them to refuge. The main character of the movie, sacrificed himself, so that the group could pass over a fragile bridge, it was necessary for someone to stay behind to insure that the resistance of the bridge. Everybody passed, except that brave person, who eventually was burned by the lava that approached the bridge just at the moment where the last member of the group made it safely across it.
John’s heart was tight, he could not understand the disappearance of the brave man. What was to be of him? Why was he suffering?. A powerful tear eventually came out, followed by a few others, that translated the uneasiness of his feelings.
John? – is father asked, as he looked at him – Are you crying?
Yes. I am sad.
But it is only a movie, the actors do not die. It is only a fictitious story based on events, that did not took place like this.
Dad. What happens to people when they die? – John’s tearful emotion made his voice sound even more sweet.
Well, their bodies are buried, and their soul goes to meet the Maker.
The Maker? – John’s interest stopped the tears, and he cleaned the few that remained in his cheek using the sleeve of his pyjama.
God. Who is everywhere, with all the other souls of people long gone.
How do you know?
Well, I was taught to believe so by my mother, and I would like to think that despite were body stayed here on Earth, buried in a nice old cemetery, were soul is somewhere up there keeping the good Creator company.
Does everybody have to be buried to go see the Maker?
No, some cultures prefer to have their dead people burned, and scatter the ashes through the fields. They believe that they would give back to the Earth a bit of what the person was, what he or she meant.
Are you afraid to die, one day?
His father stopped for a moment, looked to the TV, meanwhile the movie was over, and he started flipping through the channels. Still 10 year old John had is curiosity going for him and insisted:
Dad?
Yes, John! – looking back at him
Are you afraid to die?
Well, ever since I am here, I have never seen anybody lived over 120, so I think that eventually, I will have to die. But, I am not afraid to die, because I believe one the day that I die, I will see my Mother again.
But, do you want to be buried or burned?
Neither – his father replied with a giggle. – Instead, you can just get a big broom and just put me remains somewhere under the carpet… eheh

Another slight touch, brought John back to the present, it was the person next to John, calling his attention to the same stewardess, who now was carrying a cart with a variety of newspapers and magazines.
Would you like a magazine or a newspaper, sir?
No, thank you – replied John, then closing his eyes and turning his head to the window. The plane had already taken off and the rain had stopped, after the plane had crossed the first clouds.
His conscience was heavy on him, the feeling of guilt, isolated him from the world, for a split moment John was alone, gazing upon the despair of his soul. The tears followed each other’s trails spaced, each carrying the guilt of the memories that he had lost from the last years. The pride carried him for the pit of his worse thoughts. Keeping his eyes closed he wondered, upon the reaction of his family, who had not heard from him for months and had not seen him from years.
John’s imagination was running wild, carrying a mix of images that were too strange for the standards of modern society. Still, John felt that the judgment of his brothers, would be similar to that of those in practice in the days of the Spanish Inquisition.
- Would the defendant state is name for the Noble representative of our beloved Church? – a dried voice spoke at him.
John imagined opening his eyes and stared at a member of the Holy inquisition. The place was truly awful in appearance, however all the faces were familiar. He was standing on a wooden pulpit at lower height, while a panel of judges, whose face resembled that of his own brothers were staring at him. The voice that spoke to him, belonged to a man who had been his Math teacher in the University. All the people attending the judgment were people that John had met during the past 30 years, all wearing the proper clothing of the Dark Ages, dirty rags and scratched pieces of colourless clothes.
Are you deaf? – the man shouted back at him
Pardon? – John was baffled
Your name, state your name, sinner!
Sinner, me?
Silence. – the man slapped him and added – sinners will engage no conversation of any sort, it will only speak to answer the questions of our honour the members of the Holy Inquisition. So I ask again, What is your name?
John Phillip.
John Phillip you are here by notified that you are under judgment under the eyes of God, for your sin, of coldness disregard to your community, hence limiting your time to the actions of the devil – the man had a tedious voice, just as John remembered from his old Math teacher.
The devil? – John inquired.
Silence – shouted the man again, slapping him two times – if you keep ignoring the rules of this court, your hearing will be summary with a guilty verdict to be sure.
Meaning? – John challenged the man again
Meaning that you will be burned in the stake to purge you from your evil actions, and allow your soul to sail back to the heavens.
Burn him – the crowd shouted.
The court house was dark and smelly place, lighted by a few candles scattered through the brownish walls. This enhanced the weariness of the folks assisting the Inquisition’s trial. Despite the familiarity of the people’s faces, their appearance with wear out clothes and filthy skins, John was feeling worse by the minute.
- The prosecution may begin – said the main judge, oddly represented by a child. John knew him, but he could not quite identify him.
- You are Jonathan Phillip Livingston? – the prosecutor started, looking like is own brother.
Yes, I am.
Son of Gabriel Livingston and Susannah Walker.
Yes.
Do you know why you are we?
No, I do not!
You are guilty of killing your father by neglect of care.
WHAT? – John screamed – My father is not dead!
Your father died when he needed your assistance, but your pride, your feeling of superiority led you to ignore all that was going around you. You Jonathan Livingston are cold man with a cold heart, whose true interests lie in the dark forces of evil, that take through paths of sloth. You will pay for these crimes
Wait, I can explain – John replied
A sudden bell, brought John back to reality, the plane was approaching the airport, the stewardess was calling John’s attention for the position of his seat and to the belt that was not tied.
The strange nature of the dream left John with a heavier conscience than ever before. All his feelings were telling him that this return home, was going to be even worth than whatever he anticipated.
Upon arrival, John proceed to baggage claims and passed through customs without any worries, his passport was still valid for a few more weeks.
John decided to tell no one about the exact time of his arrival, so that he could choose the right time to face the judging family. A friend of him had told him good things about an hotel called Orion, where he had stayed just a few months before, while visiting John’s home country.
After waiting for his turn for a cab, John talked for the first time in his mother language to the cab driver, asking him to take him to Hotel Orion close to the downtown.
The cab driver engaged John in some casual conversation that helped John take his mind away from worries:
You know that the Hotel Orion is no longer called Orion?
Really? – John inquired
No, they changed the name to Eden Hotel, apparently the management changed a few months ago. I know this because my wife works there as a cook, you know.
Indeed?
Yes. The rich getting richer by buying more and more, and selling it more expensive for anyone that wants to have a crack at a business. This country is a shame, it’s all the government’s fault. They are all the same.
I have heard that there is going to be elections soon.
Yeah! Apparently, the President did not like the discomfort that was happening in the Prime-minister cabinet, with so many members asking to resign. I think the last drop came when the latest minister appointed for office, ask for resignation 4 days after he took the job. The newspapers say it was a stab in the back for the Prime-minister, but I think they are all corrupt anyways, so screw them.
I guess, it is the sign of the times on us.
The conversation continued over some general topics, while the cab passed through streets that are very familiar, though slightly altered, with new advertising. Some trees had been completely remove from some streets, to give place to make park to even more cars to park in the already overcrowded avenues of his home city. Some buildings looked younger, do to some restyling and some work put into them, while others seem older exhibiting the passage of time in its walls, windows and balconies.
The cab eventually arrived to the Eden Hotel as stated by the new signs on the front of the building. The cab driver, helped John with his luggage, and was rewarded with an extra tip for his help, grateful saying farewell to him while adding.
I am going to give you my card, if you need any special services, call this number, I might take anywhere, even back to the airport if you need to. My wife is called Anita, I will talk to her about you Mr.?
Livingston.
You can be assured, that you will be in good hands. I hope your enjoy is stay. I hope you are not too late for today!
Excuse me – John was intrigued by the Man’s speech.
I’m sorry, I must leave, I’m double parked you see. Take care now. You hear! – The cab driver left in quite some strange worry.
John did not knew exactly what to make about all that conversation about lateness. After all John did not mention to any one the exact day of his arrival. No one was counting on him for today.
Those thoughts dissipated while John was checking in at the hotel.
The lounge of the hotel was quite pleasing, having a great width and length, it gave a sense of importance to anyone that was staying there. The number of people moving from on place to the next, gave John a sense of dynamic to the place, feeling that among all those people, guests and workers he would be as incognito as incognito could be.
The concierge asked for John to sign the hotel register sheet, this one looked at him and ask:
Excuse me, are you Mr. John Livingston?
Yes.
Well, I have a package for you. It was delivered not so long ago. Unfortunately, the gentleman who left the package for you left no contact.
John was intrigued. A package for him! How could that be? No one knew that he was staying there, actually no one knew that he was arriving on that specific day.
After completing all the formalities of checking in and being guided through the network of hallways and corridors of the hotel to his room, John took a bottle of fresh water from the mini-bar and drunk it completely.
With his thirst relieved, John turned back his attention to the mysterious package that has left by a stranger.
The package was wrapped with a yellow paper that had bubbles. It was shaped as an envelope baring only John’s name in the front. John open the package, inside was some pictures of John as a very young child, in a kindergarten, playing outside close to some slides and swings. He had never seen this pictures before, they were probably taken when he was 3 or 4. Behind one of them John read in a unfamiliar hand writing James at 4 years old.
Attached to one of the pictures was a small card with a message written into it:
It is important that we talk today, your past is not what you think. Meet me at 9 pm, Café Republika. I will recognize you, signed F.
John sits on the ledge of the bed and looks to back of the pictures. They were reminiscent of a vision that had been taunting him for many years. Something that he never quite understand what it was. Jonh always assumed it as a dream of some sort. However the recollections were so vivid of it, that when he remembers this vision, this dream, he has the feeling that it was an awake dream that he had. John focus on one of the pictures, while stretching on the bed. The picture brings back the memories of that awaken dream.
In that dream he was young, quite young, probably as old as the boy in those pictures. The first image that he remembers was the heavens above. The soft clouds, shaped in many forms under a big blue sky, sometime close to noon. He was lying down in some park. The park was surrounded by buildings, having a street around it. He was not alone in the park. The first sounds that accompanied the imagery are those of children laughing and playing in the park.
Jonh raises himself, but remains sited while noticing that he is also in the playground area of the park. All seems quite peaceful with the gentle breeze in that spring day vision. Suddenly, something change, a certain noise comes, and all the children start to run. John follows the children, having no other reason than his instinct to back him up as an excuse.
They all run from the playground area towards the limits of the park that only have some fences, that the kids easily jump, one by one. Leaving the park behind they begin a frenetic run through the streets, crossing to the left and right of several streets indiscriminately. In his vision, John sees all this in a kind of slow motion flash, while repeating the same movements of the children, following them wherever they might all be going.
Eventually, they reach another park, with no playground, just benches and grass, with a small hill in the middle of it. On the top of it there was a open door, shinning. In the doorstep there was a figure, impossible to recognize due to the strength of the glow that was coming from the door just behind.
The figure seemed to be a middle age male with a bear. The figure was still looking at the children that were running toward him.
John saw the children run one by one towards the door and the man in front of it, as himself was following them to a similar fate.
The children kept on running towards the door, passing the man and eventually disappearing inside of it. John was the last one that approach the silhouette standing, still, unlike all the others that run directly inside the door ignoring the quiet-man in front of it, John stopped in front of him, raising his head to look at his face, still the light was still too bright blinding him. The man stretched his arm to John, and took John’s hand, then both, willingly, enter.
A white noise was heard, and all became dark. John was on the ledge of a roof on a neighbouring building close to his childhood house. John jumped from the building straight to the floor, and just before he reached it, another noise, and this time John woke up from his sleep, realizing that someone was knocking on the door.
It was a woman, a member from the staff.
I am sorry to bother you, my husband just call, I am Anita, the wife of the cab driver who just brought you. I am just warning you that there are no coincidences.
Excuse me!!! – John was not understanding what she wanted to say.
Meanwhile, some guests were passing behind her and she added:
I am just telling you that if you need anything it at all from the kitchen, you can call me at room services, ask for Anita. I must go now. – and she walked fast away from his room and disappeared over the corner of the corridor.

(to be continued)



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