Once upon a time there was disappointment. This of course came from illusion and expectation. High hopes on what was not meant to be. Unfortunately my mind was only made aware of the crumbling down of these dreams a bit too late.
I guess it is never to late to be aware, for the soul as no concept of time, as it lives in the absolute infinite. Only the ego is concerned about the relative. Perhaps all my sorrows were nothing more than a figment of my experience here.
The most annoying part is being overwhelmed by this pain body that exists only in the ego, and tries to make sense of the time and space events that unfold in the holodeck called life. Much like Shakespeare
"Our
revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air;
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve;
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep"
This is all insubstantial indeed. Life is but a blip in the event horizon of experiences the soul must endure. The ego being the way that the soul have to experience the reality as it is presented before its senses, grabs on to it with the pains and sufferings that are so keen of a child who does not want to release the comfort of the womb. And through that pain we create expectation of what things should be.
All my loves and woes are a manifestation of a desire of being. I am addicted to a feeling that only exists here in this life. I need to let go of it, otherwise I am unable to experience other greater things there are to be.
I am so tired of this blindness to the awareness of the soul. The link that has been severed with the infinite peace that resides somewhere in me, but that is trapped behind some door that has been closed by a skeleton key of pain, sorrow and disillusion.
"Humans. Your griefs, your pains, fix you to moments in the past long gone. You're like butterflies with your wings pinned. My old friend, forever the boy who with the errant turn of a skeleton key broke the universe in his own heart. No more. You are now unshackled from the past. As I leave, I leave you free."
I am yet to free myself, for I have not yet found the skeleton key that trapped me behind the limited feelings that in this timeline leave me weary. And because, I am tired of searching for words of comfort in others who struggle like me to make sense of this existential experience, I feel that I must drown my sorrows into these electronic canvas, in the hopes of finding some relief.
I ask for my angels to offer light to the path I must undertake to unshackle me from the jailer, the ever present ego, the child that wants to make the world is oyster, to savor it as it sees fit, or to throw a fit if the end result does not suit his whims. I know I can be better, I can be free from the pains and grievances if I take the steps need for absolution.
After all "there are moments in our lives we fear to relive and others we long to repeat. While time cannot give us second chances, maybe people can."
May I can give me a new chance to be aware of what dreams may come, if I just sooth my ego into accepting that there is more to existence than the craving for earthly pleasures, and dominion of material things.