Letter

Dear Ms. Botticelli,

I was rather found of your visit last summer.
It was such a thing of fate for both of us to arrive at Ulysses's Town on the very same day and to enjoy Persephone's company, who so kindly introduced us.
Please forgive my presence at Baccus fair during the sabath, but I could not resist on planning a short visit to indulge myself on a few rich moments of your company.
Alas your winds were not blowing toward me as you were rather looking out to enjoy your space and time without intruders.
Still, after all of these strange events of chance, I am pleased with the final outcome.
Driven out of a midsummer's dream, I confess that this short but intense journey out of my daily affairs produce a rather strong feeling, one that I so seldomly experience.
However, among all the tears, among all the hurting, among all the madness of believing in the possibilities of utopia, among all this and more, I welcome the price, because to experience a special kind of love, is rather unique.
Most of all, thank you for letting me in, even if it was just a few hours, it was incredible what you granted me to see and feel.

I remember you fondly, wishing for a possible dream.

Kindesst regards,

C

Leaving your love behind

How quaint is the feeling of being in love?
When it is rewarded with a mutual love, it has no comparison with what dreams may come!
I am a faithful advocate that reality is stronger than fiction and as such any live experience is by far fuller than any representation.
On the extreme opposite, we may find the harsh feeling of being abandoned by a love, or having to leave a love behind, because you have no other chance but to accept the end.

This reminds me of the grim days of feeling the loneliness of a sad departure.
Oddly enough, it becomes more painful when the separation is unwanted by both parties.
But this reality, today, determines that the will of our times is stronger than the will of our hearts.

We cannot change what does not depend on us.
We cannot alter the will
We cannot change the determination
We cannot erase what is written in the minds.

We can plant a seed, nurture it and enjoy whatever will be, will be.

the world is a far more beautiful than what I have dreamnt of

One can argue beauty from the eye of the beholder, after all to each is own, and beauty has a set of standards that are subjective to all those admiring, said beauty.
However the world, with all its complexity, with all its diversity, with them countless shades of joy, throughtout time has been able to evolve to its own independent beauty.
I know that I can neer fully grasp or realize all of it. Nonethelss, I can stop but wonder how incredible is this world of ours, how vast
What I have seen thus far: the shifty rivers, the majestic mountains, the colorful vegetation, the energetic animal kingdom, all this and more is enough to produce millions and millions of words worth of descriptions and accounts of experiences, which, in my opinion will always pale to the life experience itself. An event that implies that each of us gets up of bed, each morning and dive into the world's countless possibilities.

A short side note.
I have suffered.
Recently.
I guess that what frustrates me the most is the blindless that overtakes me, when I am in my grief periods and stop realizing all these endless possibilities, all these extraordinary affairs of beauty.
I think that when I am taken to that sad place of darkness and loneliness, it is by far, the hardest punishment I can bestow upon myself.
I do not deserve it, nor do I want it.
Instead I want to be able to ride it out, like the surfers do the enormous waves, with each single tide.

Of this much I am certain, I always dream of a better world than the one I see around me, but being in the wilderness, realizing how every little atom is connected with the following to make the fabric of our existence, makes me understand that there is a far more amazing world out there to be discovered than the miniture version I have been living on. I just need to get out, each morning and take a moment of time to appreciate it.

I don't even dare to start describing what I see, as it pales in comparaison to the experience of being here and enjoying it.

... and then she stepped aside

Angels are curious creatures that received god's light to freely roam the universe and enlighten those in darkness.
Now darkness can show itself in many ways, one of the most common is the oblivion of the soul.
Usually it occurs when Man forgets his purpose, his value, his strength, hence we becomes trapped inside his own eclipse.

Yesterday an angel revealed herself to me.
How odd that such unique creature should find interest in me and grant me the most unique gift of inspiration.
Mind you, that this not make me a visionary for the future, less alone understand the doubts from the past.
This seed of light instead allowed me to unfold some solutions for the present.
This most precious gift was revealed in the form of a merry dance, then throught kind words, then through embrace...
and then she stepped aside.

The world seems to hold so much more promise today.
The angel roams still among us, perchance you will be lucky to receive a visit and be inspired too.

In the aftermath of the inner storm

I was away for the past week.
During this time, I was granted a unique journey into my inner being.
The medium was the ocean, the carrier was the mystic sahara, the heading was myself.
The questions in me that remain answered were the unwanted turmoils of the sailing to a inner-peace.
As I return to civilization, or to the disorder of a well established society, it depends of your point of view, as i return here I realize that most of what is going on is completely irrelevant to me. In fact all that matters is my focus with who am I.
While I was facing the massive vastness of a seamless endless ocean, I could hear the sound of my voice in my head answering to those questions that so often strike my day.
The purpose of it all.
Why suffer?
Why hate?
Why love?
Who am I?
The questions seemed then quite pointless, because in fact the only truth that I could explain to me was there is an end, as there was a beginning.
The only thing that I know now, is that I will end. This will be my end, 10 years from now, tomorrow or 50 years, it does not matter. The purpose is all but account for what is going on. This account I define by the choices I make and the role I live. Also the attitude I choose to have and face a bitter-sweet reality will determine how have I been living.
There are always possibilities.
I guess that most often I choose to blame the outskirts of my life, rather than focusing on the positive reprecussions of any choices that I have had.
Last year, I had the time of my life, and then it was gone. The choice of view can be, I will never have it again or at least I had that unique team and I can mve one to find new experiences.
The truth for all is that everything is temporary.
Like currency, we exchange moments every time. Sometimes we enjoy it more than others, but so oftenly we dwell on that which we lost rather than accepting that which we still have, even if the little that we have is the priceless treasure of time we consume every single breath we take.
I want more life. But most of all I want to deserve it, thanks to a better attitude.
I do not want to consume others, rather I want to be a part of the process that makes all of us grow.
I do not expect the outside to justify what goes within me. Instead I want to bring some of what runs inside me and let it blossom here with you.
I agree that there is no better half away from us. We are wholes that carry in us the seeds of contentment as well as the tools of our misery.
If only we knew which to use in its proper time. There is no more misery than that of lost time, as the last drop of breath leaves us and gives us no more chance to change a second in this life. But there is all the time of here and now to plant those seeds and prevent the misery from ever taking place.
We will die, but at least we have lived.

I guess my turmoil these days has been, how far have I lived and how much more can I dare to live
What is the pain that is involved in living if we cannot appreciate the moments of love and happiness that we stumble.
I feel that happiness is just there waiting to be deployed, at any single moment.
And all we need to do is accept.
Some things we cannot change
Some things we can change
Some things won't change even if we do.

Words remind me of you

I desperately want to get you out of my head, but unfortunately your memories linger on.
Why do you have to linger?
Why does your presence remain to torture me still?
Your physic left me over a year ago
Your will left me one late september morning
Your mind left me in march, with a thank you
But all your residual existence taunts me still.
What did I ever do to you?
I think I did nothing much to you.
Conscience dictates that I might have neglected words, who, like myseff towards you, obcessed compulsively about a possible present that I denied on the ground of unfortunate nature.
Alas, vengance has a sweet hold on me, and I am now tortured by the same lingering thoughts I left on to others to overcome.
Today, I cannot read the word cosmonaut without reminding of a specific time that you somehow used it to refer to some ironic aspect of your life.

I am now on a vaccation, that was supposed to be a blessed pause, but unfortunately your memory visits me over and over again.
What must I do?
I do not call you
I do not see pictures of you
You are rarelly mentioned on my conversations.
Why do I hold such a painful reminder of you?
Selona, Korcula, a flag, a child smile, cosmetic salon,
I hate this taunting
I do not want it
I do not deserve it
It makes me a bitter and more cynical person
I lose love for life

I guess, dear one, that in the end, I realize that these, my nightmares are only a figment of my imagination that I cannot shake, and to which I am the only one to blame.

I think the price of loving you is higher than what i was willing to afford
Now the consequences remain, and sadness, loneliness and a feeling of being lost accompany me like the revolving moon, which regulary shows its presence.

maybe one day, you can fathom any of these recollections.
For now, you don't give a damm, because you released yourself from the burden of my presence.
I wish nothing less, than release me life from the memory of you, which clearly brings me no value. Instead it underlines my weakness, which at this rate is impossible to bury.

The happiness we shared no longer was worth all the sorrow it caused.
I know now that trust must be earned and not given  to those who do not deserve it. For those who earn easy, expend easily that which they have obtained.
And you had me too easily.

Never again!