Friends are just like enemies that don't have the guts to kill you

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"Friends are just like enemies that don't have the guts to kill you"

Zolthar

Greetings my puny enemies. I would kill that lot of ya all, but then I would have no friends left.
Heavens knows we need friends.
This year, I learned from economy course and advertising course two things.
People tend to be happy with consumption. As we buy and acquire new things a certain amount of serotonin is released thus afecting our mood.
Still, people have been, consuming more and more as the years go by, and the change of mood is not proportional.
Meaning, we are not happier with the amount of things we buy.
Furthermore, our happiness seems to be related with the relations we develop throughout our lives. They make up for the satisfaction we have in our lives. The items of consumption, lately have been developed to make us further and further apart. We stopped interacting directly to interact more and more in a deferred fashion. The blogs, the social networks, the chat rooms, the e-mails, the text messages... more and more we are connected, but not directly, not throught the senses.
The further apart we are the less related we are - the less we look as friends and the more we look as something else.

We do not need the guts to kill each other to be enemies, but without relationships that are meaningful, we will be less and less caring for eachother and more and more focused on ourselves.

Oh well...
I will just warm the hyper tube and sing me a song....

Cheers


mamuts@gmail.com

Ah the pain!

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Perchance I had the words to describe the symphony of tears within me.
Of all the wrecked feelings that buzz every now and again from my heart, I am but gazing at an outside that should mean nothing more than the mere scenery that fills the canvas of my days. And yet, it is with anger and envy that my greedy soul realizes the emptiness of it all. As if for an instance I could have lived a better life, from the choices that I have been given. Only now do I realize that no choice was actually made, instead acceptance of a curious soul, taking step by step the mysteries that life provides.
How could I have fathom the destiny that was lurking in a dark alley on a stormy path...
I am nothing more but a fortune man without an ounce of sorrow to shed, and still I feel in me the emptiness of purpose yet again, as if the hive from where I have sprung brought me no more meaning than that of the wandering bee that just does what it's told.
So much life I see surrounding me, and I wonder still, could I have lived a better life to endure not once or twice the choices of the moment, but cherish the uniqueness of it all. Ah this pain of emptiness that visits me every now and then as a reminder, you could have done so much more, you could have seen so much more life than the shadows of the events that the outside produces through the windows of my soul.
I do not wish to make sense of this moment, all I want is to spill the guts of a lifeless feeling that haunted me just now... and hopefully will let me be... to resume an happiness that fits me as the favourite mask to you all. You that seem to know all, but dare not tap the depths of your own souls with the fear that you might not like to expose who you are, due to a typical human characteristic known as pride.

Ah the pain indeed to you all... may you realize that you are more human from it, from the love and any other emotions you may still recognize, rather than accepting that no small deed goes unrecognized... your emotions are the fabric of your humanity
be a person every now and again and avoid the vanity of your own pride...
for you maybe a better human, if only you can recall what is implied by the fact of saying I am alive and I intend to keep on living.

Of all the souls I have met in my travels...

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I could not have picked a finer time or space to have lived, if god would have given me the chance to choose from any age and place.

These can be the best of times or the worst of times, much like Mr. Dickens once wrote. Still, these are times I have, with the people that have taught me a bit about life. The good and the bad, I owe it to them. I am also responsible in some way to the good and the bad in their own lives...

Thank you, for being in the path of my ongoing journey to a fate that has not yet been written, but that for now is being fulfilled.

The Graveyard Shift

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Today is my first shift, since two years working at RTP, that I am doing the Graveyard Shift.
I am not sure if any zombies, ghosts, goblins or any other entities will find it in themselves to grace me / scare me with their presence, but i do feel that the this will be a very unique experience for me.

I need the this time.
I guess i need all the time. Without time, I do not exist, for there is no way for me to express my life, so every little second counts, just like breaths, I can't skip one out, whenever I skip it, that will be the last one I will skip. It won't matter if it's night or day.
So, during this shift, I will try to keep all my breaths going.

But... there is something about a midnight to 8 am shift that stimulates my inspiration to write. I don't know if I got this influence from my father, who always had a nocturnal life, at least that is how I remember my childhood. Seeing him preparing for a good night with himself, the computer, the vcr, his books, himself, or just by simply contemplating the night, through is own unique way of being.

It is rather ironic that for this shift, I am surrounded by machines that keep the audio signals going through the airwaves to all 5 antenas, and to keep my self going, I brought my computer, my books, and my wit to keep me going through the night.

Walking through the corridors, I feel the echoes of the day that has just passed, and yet lingering the feeling of life that all the producers, sound-technicians, spokesman, and all the ones involved on making radio produced while they were here.
Am I going mad, or are the spirits of yesterday trying to reach me tonight?
That would certainly make this night more interesting.
Just imagine, if the spirit of Mr. Wells would storm into studio 19, and all the sudden the classical channel would change from its traditional routine to a remake of his classical performance of the war of the worlds! Why that would definitely make the night become day, to many people, I am sure!
This kind of magic only happens at night, when the lights are so dimmed, that what you do not see is what allows you to imagine whatever you are inspire to think, such like what you hear adapts as your new soundtrack for what you start to imagine.

I will keep you posted for the graveyard shift, as it unravels my imagination.

Ta

C


mamuts@gmail.com

The Times

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How the time flies when the mind is occupied?
With all that has been going lately, it should not surprise me if one day i wake up on the eve of my death? With 24 hours left, would my endeavours in life had been fulfilled with all the occupations my mind had wondered off to in my lifetime?

It is nice to have this time right now, to pause.
Do you ever pause?
Do you ever take your time, and just inspire yourself with that breath that reminds how much alive are you?
Did you feel that? just now? a breath coming in to the system?
For a moment now, all your past is mere oblivion and all your future is an infinite choice of roads, to many to consider, and all you are left to grasp is Now!

"
-What's happening?
-We're in now Now!
- What happened to Then?
- We missed it.
- When?
- Just Now.
- When will Then be Now?
- Soon... "


So what do we do with Now?
Whatever we want.
Write to friends and tell them how much you love them.
Go and play in the city on the edge of forever, and dream of all the possibilities of life has to offer, realizing that it doesn't matter to relive all the choices, what matters is building a chain of choices as you go along and feel accomplished by the decisions you made.

It is up to me, to give you all the best i can give, if only I know how to...

For now, nothing else comes to mind... i better keep on breathing...

Emptiness of purpose

There are times in my life, where i have wonder what am i doing here?
I guess this is the common question that strikes me down with all its might.
Right now, i feel completely empty, as if my existence had no meaning, rather than to spread pain all around. As a human being, i have failed many times my friends and all those who have shed some love for me.
Why is it that unwillingly we cause pain in the ones we seek to love the most?
What is the reason, behind all this madness called live, that brings no answers and instead leaves us with only a handful of clues that allow only a gifted few to find their way out through the mess of life.
I guess that when it comes to love, it is impossible for me to find any positive solution, that will please either me or the one who I love.
Also, I think that I am so beyond believing in love that all the pain that comes from it just clashes with the shell of my indifference for it all.
Being alone, might be the only way to encounter reconciliation with my fears. I hate being hurt or to cause harm for that matter. Therefor it is easier to avoid any love than to let me be fooled by it.
Having my own mother believing that all i want is sexual gratification rather than a stable relationship.
It is very difficult for me to trust in love. I wonder why?
I have been only abandoned twice, from people i thought i loved passionately. I have had my share of disappointments with others who did not fulfill my expectations nor did i reach up to theirs for them to consider me a suited candidate for their love.
But was it love?
In the end of my life, will I be able to say that I have actually loved, or will i be only allowed to think that i have loved, having, in fact, never had a true notion of what it was.

This breath

Sometimes not saying anything at all is better than just blabbering looking for some good words to throw around.

How keen is life with all the variations under one theme! The theme, obviously breath!
What is the constant motion that acompanies us from our first independent moment out of the womb and just before life fades into oblibvion?
In it we see many oportunities to love and hate, create or destroy, awake or sleep!
Nothing is more important to anyone who wants to live than the breath he or she carry, because implicitly they know that without that vessel the trip that they started is over.
They can be in joy, they can be in pain, but they will be breathing until they die.

I am thankful to my parents for the breath they gave me 30 years ago. Thanks to this I have travelled a bit, I have been both in joy and in pain, fortunately I barely know the latter and I still cannot fathom how to master the joy.
People, wiser in spirit and presence of mind, tell me that Carpe diem is the day! Cease the day and all things will fall into place. Oddly enough, I tend to waste my days in rumblings of past glories and unachieved futures!
I would say that may use of this vessel is commonly placed in the melancolic derivations of what i should have and the what ifs that usually support them.

My life is as rich as it can be and still i feel the void of empty purpose lurking inside of me.
We pull to us what our hearts desire, however if we focus on what we fear we will attract that as well.

Derivations of an empty hour
by Mr. Sousa



mamuts@gmail.com