.
About a year ago, I was leaving home towards a country many miles away, hoping that I could fix my life.
The story starts a bit earlier.
Somewhere in the early days of the summer of 2001, I was dwelling hard with my final report for the University. During those days I was totally lost for ambitions, desires, nothing was quite appealing. In a nutshell I was a shadow, an echo of myself.
In one of those weary nights I hid my fears in the countless corners of the World Wide Web, and like I had secretly hoped, finally, a voice came to me. A shy question from Canada would shape the trails of fate for the following years.
A friendship developed; a few days later the voice became a picture, a few weeks after that the picture became someone in my world.
Remembering those days, with the nostalgia that the moment deserves, I must confess that it was very rewarding to make a new friend, that a few months after that would turn into a big love.
The months passed, the “headache” report was finally finished, but no personal objective was quite defined in my own mind. In me there was no sense of fulfillment. I had just spent the last 5 years committing my resources to study in the Biotechnology field, and nothing – my soul was immensely quiet, with the apathy caused by emptiness.
Destiny had set a journey to Canada from December 2001 to February 2002. During that time, I fell in love, like merging myself into an infinite sense of happiness, embraced by a bubble of joy. To this day, I find it difficult to compare the feelings of certain days I had. The whole experience was quite rewarding, through the blending of cultures and the reality of a country so distinct of my own, I was awaking to something new.
Alas, after all the woods, the bowling alleys, the Christmas lights, the awe and the love, I had to come home.
I felt like I was being robbed. I felt extremely lonely, I cried for many days powerless to explain to whomever cared, what powered that. I hated my home world and everyone in it, for taking away my utopia. I pledge to myself a new future in Canada.
After some stormy months, seclusion from my friends, I finally managed to get a new chance to get back to Canada. Every since seemed perfect, I was about to indulge myself to a Masters in Biochemistry, in the hope of making something of the 5 years of biotechnology, but mostly I had a chance to be again in the dome of love.
Yet, as it so often happens, destiny had installed a twist of fate in my path. Something happened, that broke what could not be broken.
By late August of 2002, my love had run away, took everything away, only my emptiness remained.
Obstinate usually takes me over, and this time was no exception, as I felt that as soon as I could be in person, in Canadian lands, I could make the whole thing work.
2003 came.
On the 17th of January, I was leaving to Canada, for the second time, convinced of my own abilities to rule the empire of fate.
The following day, I set foot into Electa Hall. That is a different story.
After countless attempts of getting back to a reality that had lost it’s time in the past memories, I finally accepted destiny conclusion for that chapter.
I had lost myself. Without love and with no will to change the world, I had given up on working with Biotechnology. It took a while to realize that that utopian world had collapsed.
Finally, I realized that the chances in one reality are endless, as long as I believe that if there is a will to do something, then there must be a way of doing it.
Listening: Daniel Lanois - Acadie
cocasman@zmail.pt
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