A love that never was

I am mad about love.
I am mad to love those that do not deserve or clearly do not long for my presence in their lives.
And yet, my love is there to give.
The focus of such love is painful to find a harsh iron door that stands between me and a desired fate that never was.
What words could possibly unlock that door?
What comfort could I give that would put me in a better light than before!
Granted that my words, thus far have only caused chaos, confusion and fear.
And my actions have only proven a weakness that I am too ashamed to admit, but to which I cannot ignore.
I am not a ill or crazy person.
I just had a lot of bad luck with my love life.
I guess I go to deep for a prize that is not there.
It is frustrating however, to visit the same feelings over and over again.

I wish I had the courage to come up to you and inspired say to you all the passion and frustration that comes from my heart.
The passion of seeing you day after day after day, and every day having to realize that it is not to be.
I wish I was stronger and would not sucumb to the feeling of rejection, I always do.
I wish I was not a coward that would hide behind words and jokes only to receive the prizes the cowards deserve, oblivion.

I wish I had the chance and I could use it to prove that I deserve more than what you are willing to give.
I wish I could come into your world and rebuild a bridge between us.
I am tired of being mad about you.
I am tired of being meaningless to you, as transparent as a glass, as insubstantial as the hot air, as pointless as a sphere.
I wish I could make you smile a true smile.

But I have learned that we cannot change the fate.
And all that I do, is remind you of the wackyness of strangers, that deserve no respect
And all that I am is a fool in love with the painting of you in my mind.

Be well, wherever you are.