Sometimes I
wonder about the people who have people skills. I wonder about them, because it
can be argued that, from time to time, I to seem to have those skills. I guess
my perplexity about this matter has to do with the borderline with hypocrisy
and cynicism that to me run deep, when I keep to myself thoughts that I wish I
had the nerve to put them out in the open.
What I do
instead is smile or dismiss some ordinary joke to try and defuse the situation.
Now that I think about It, I realize that I defuse it more for my protection
than for the others. I guess I try to avoid conflicts, if, cowardly, I realize
I cannot win them. I guess this in turn, might seem to make me quite the coward
who lurks upon the weak and defenseless as prey to my evil deeds.
I do not see myself as the bully who chases
anyone to feel a meager sense of superiority. Granted that sometimes I do
indulge myself on pathetic attempt of grandeur, but it soon fades as I realize
the fabric of my aspirations.
Still, I do
wish I had the courage to speak out loud, rather than slipping into the
diplomatic clownish role that suits the people so much. I guess I do everyone a
favor by playing ball with the roles, and not standing so much in the spot
light. After all, there are so many people around me that are attracted to it
as bugs are attracted to the deadly blue light.
I wonder,
if this is another representation of the Peter Gabriel’s song “We do what we’re
told”. Do we? Just to fit in? I guess sociopaths just do not get along, because
more than just saying whatever they please, they tend to do whatever they
please even if it is unhealthy to others around me.
I have no
aspiration on becoming a sociopath or do I condone their actions. But I wonder
if faking, pretending and just playing along with the status quo defined by
those in charge, is really the best people skills I have to aspire.
Moreover,
if I am aware of this about myself, is anyone else aware of this. Is this even
a problem?
Oh well, I
would better resume with my day and kick off with that honest sense of people
skills that keeps the world running.
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