Journey Within

There are moments in my life where I am lost outside because I have misplaced my inner compass. I truly wish I could find my inner light, as if I could perchance dive into an ancient dream, and as I would roam among the people of yore and through the mysteries of the relics that once were, maybe then I could metaphorical address the lost nature that is here with me. 

I have taken far too many roads, always wanting to reach a better outcome than the previous one, but along the way I misread the signs and ended up in Sorrow's vile, population Me. But I guess I have been looking for the answers in all the wrong avenues, there is a narrow way within, that goes through my soul, down that path where I have accumulated far too many wrong experiences, that somehow impaired my good guidance. It has become difficult to see the world with a fresh pair of eyes. 

Oh, how I old dearly to those words that Q fictitiously said once: 

"If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. But it's not for the timid"

But I am tired of bloody hearts. They linger for far too long, and they have a toll.

"It's hard to know who to trust, isn't it Jack?"

I guess it becomes harder to leaps of faith, even with the kindest of hearts. So a journey has to occur. I must clear the clogged paths of trust. In order to move freely and forward, I have to make room for new memories, better memories to start to build a brave new world. 

And all it takes is a bit concentration and a deep breath...

"and then one day... I've got in"

"my god, it's full of life in there"

 

Sad sad sad

 This quaint construct of the mind is all but friendly.

These are the facts, I am losing my mind. I am 44 and I am full of emotional holes that I expect others can fill them. So this is the lesson, no one should be expect to carry any part of me to fill any part of my soul that is somehow lost. The reason is simple, I have these parts of me. I just misplaced them. And hence, I am sad.

It is very unfair, not to me, but to the world, to be expect to solve any problems that, myself, in my quest for a purpose of life, created. These are just tears of frustration. Frustration of not knowing where I am heading. Vaya con dios at one point sang "we're heading for a fall". 

But this Fall, what I feel is that I have been falling from my steadfast resolve to be a better man.

This is sad. 

Where did I lose myself? What wrong turn did I take to stray my soul so much.

And lonely I feel. Not because I do not have family, which I do. friends, which I do, love, which they share. I feel lonely because these pieces of me, that are so dear to my own meaning, are lost. 

"and... like an insubstantial life faded" I have forgotten what they are...

Its like having a map that I do not understand.

This is a language of life I do not comprehend.

So the saddest part of all, is that I am trapped within.