Reality of a post-apocalyptic event

I believe, much like Mr. Orzabal and Mr. Smith, that when the hurting and the pain has gone, I will be strong.

I guess, I made the imprudence of believing too much in what my wishes were telling me, that I never took the time to have a reality check.
It would not be a problem if I was still living in dream land.
The bad thing about living the nexus is following back to cold truth...

I expect nothing more from the dream.
Now I am on damage control.

The odd thing is that apparently everything is fine.
Everyone is where they are suppose to be.

But the feelings are all wrong.
There is no really flavour any more.

I feel like someone took my senses.
The world is colourless, tasteless, scentless, without any interesting mellodies and only bland touches.

My memories keep attacking my conscience.
I am going back in time frequentely, pushed by the stimuli of now.

The future seems promising if I can accept my present.

I am still rebuilding kheops.
Fortunately my team is still available to help me restore the key sectors that comprise the soul and body of my ship.
I need find a map again, otherwise I will stay stranded in the grey wasteland.

She is gone.
An echo in the eternity, that only a couple of months ago was so present.
A true gift to my life, that is totally lost...
when in fact it was never mine to begin.

When i  learned that nothing belongs to me, i can accept that life is what it is, and just accept the experience for the experience, without any expectation or remorse for the circumstances.

Now I just want the pain to be over.
One day... the reality of this world, will be bright

and the beat goes on

Softly, I realize that it is now over.
I still wonder sometimes, what could have happenede if I had faced my fears and just took the chance to win her back.
The dream of that, perchance to happen, will forever haunt me with the strange felling of : what if?
But my history continues.
This was one of the most marking chapters of my existence.
A chapter that I was willing to do whatever it took, for another piece of heaven, but I was unsuccessful in persuading my partner in believing that there was a sense of a common fate.
The fate will determine what will be common.
I would take her back in a heart beat if the universe would grant me so.
But the adjustment bureau took all the steps necessary to ensure that she will follow her Russian fate and I will follow my own.
The beat will definetely go on...and I remain waiting.

To the one who loved me

Hello!

One day, you made me believe that happiness was just around the corner.
You were on that corner and smiled at me, as it I was the best vision you had.
You made me believe that I could fall and you would be there to catch me.
I fell for you and you let me drop life an old memory that no value.

Once someone told me that you were no more to me than an illusion and as such I had no real perception of you. However, my happiest memories were given by the real you. A real person who was there, who cherished my company.

For a moment, I was a god of emotion, of a beautiful emotion called love.
And when I let you in, you took it with you and throw it of a cliff, dismissing all that was being built.
Why?
There isn't any true explanation for what makes a love switch on or switch off, I guess the truthfulness of it all is that one day, perchance i dreamt of a better you and you decided to believe more in the illusion of the worse vision  you had of me.
Why not cherish the reality you had experience of me.

It is by far, easier to escape into the illusion than to deal with reality.
To keep it away, instead of being strong and face it together.

The notion of weak and strong is so relative, that one may appear the strong one, and ignore the weakness of his feelings and avoid to confront the truth.

I still believe, but i guess I never had you at hello! Even when I was your "better man".
The reality of today is grim and you are forever away from my possibilities.
You closed the door, because I had put so much over your shoulders.
I could see farther because I stood over the shoulders of a giant like you and knew that we could go far.
But when it was time to walk, I was left alone.

It is hard to recon that now.
I am a shadow of the person i once was.
In all good faith, I can say that this is just my eclipse and that I will rise one day, unfortunately it will not be with you by my side.

With my pain and resentment all I can wish you is the best for you and hopefully you may never endure the emptiness you left behind.

Thank you for the fond memories.
Please if you have any power left, please take away my sorrow and believe that love is for everyone, but this one was for you and you alone.