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Every year around late December, many of us gather around, in familiar packs, under the auspicious nature of a so-called Christmas spirit. Usually we spread around well-meant sentences like: "Peace on Earth and Good will to all men and women".
How much commitment do we put into our actions to give these words a chance?
For myself, I must say that I do not undertake as much love towards fellow friends, acquaintances and strangers as I ought to.
Words are easily spoken, after all, most of them come out as a reflex action to any surrounding stimuli, that granted a bit of ponder and consideration, these words would probably be closer to the truth than they currently seem.
I am sorry; I am fighting hard with current emotions towards Christmas.
This year I have been extremely busy with work, for the last couple of weeks, and all that the merry season meant was work and more work, and even more after that.
My PONDER with no consideration, lead me to this electronic canvas where I draw my words, out of pure imagination and sensitivity of mad inspiration.
Here, I realize that I lost the purpose of Christmas, somewhere along the way. I cannot blame the hard work for it, nevertheless, one always manage a bit of time to do the things he likes. I guess, this year I was not a merry man with a holy spirit to guide me through the process of making others merry with my traditional Season's Greetings.
This celebration was a purpose of gathering without the mystic of past years.
Why?
What set me off, this year?
I always believed in magic, particularly in Christmas magic, where our dreams gained form and vision, where we could be kings for a night and rulers of wishes. This year, I had too many wishes and a little heart, too small to allow any love to get out and magic get in.
This time, I feel as similar to a rock as I never thought I would be.
I bought 2 gifts, for my parents no one less. I didn't feel like it. Anyway I still got a whole bunch of presents, from caring friends and family, but I must confess of dividing myself in feelings of careless for everything, the sort that makes my eyes run dry out of the emotionless state I am in; and the confusion of this attack of the conscious thoughts!
What a heck of Christmas blog?
A rumble of mixed thoughts and emotions, which makes me think what the heck I am living for?
No peace on earth and no good will towards any one on this or any other Earth that might be laying around the vast universe.
At the moment, this message is filled with no magic, no love, no passion, no nothing, alas only empty words with an bare purpose that I fight hard to understand it's meaning.
Still, these words stand out as a warning, for the cold-hearted disease that has been spreading through mankind as a social plague ever since the past Eternity, for it's my believe that the love the surrounded us in the first moment of creation or evolution (choose your belief) has been consumed by humans with the cold fervour of a oil tycoon.
However, my condition is not as advanced, which prevents me of putting my last drops of love to fill the vase of hope that reads, "Tomorrow things will be better".
This is a world where most of us stand in our own path, without moving to the right corners of civilization. A world, where brotherly souls lay desperately in need of the love we carry in our body bags. Selfishly we refuse to share any, forgetting that our love only grows and stands by us, if we share it with others instead of greedily saving it in cold shaped vaults, where eventually love dries to it's doom.
Despite all this, I believe in the vase of hope, and that indeed things have to get better.
If we learn to put aside prejudice (a leech of the soul), hatred (a murderer of love), selfishness (a drain of unity) and stand by all of those who quietly scream for love, then this, that I don't understand, must only get better.
Tonight, I take my time to fall asleep, as millions of empty of souls cry out, starving for a true friend that comes out through the mist of solitude and politely says:
"Hello! How do you do?!"
I can't count the number of voices that screamed continuously scream through night and day out of such despair, but I know that they are everywhere; in the lost fields of hard violent wars; in the gold covered cold rooms, where all the richness of life-gathered objects are but powerless to call for Love; in the sad faces that cross the streets and avenues in towns and cities throughout the world; in many places, here and there, that spread, unfortunately, towards everywhere, where love is described as legend, a myth from times long ago, that now are past.
A true feeling of Christmas will always have a bitter taste to my conscience until I learn to put aside my prejudice, my hatred, my selfishness, my sloth, and god knows how many more cancers of my feeble personality.
Only when, I can go towards a stranger in need and truthfully intend to transpire the words: "Can I help you?" and actually feed friendship and love to the hunger soul whose tears cover the face of discontentment; only then, will I restore the level of love in my own soul and will then be able to continue on in path towards my most precious goal: Happiness.
This Christmas, I have realized how far I am from that utopian Happiness, that I keep on searching. Nevertheless, I now know where I stand, and at this point I can see my path. Like all long journeys, also does mine starts with a first solid step, one day, however, I will say: "I finally got here".
Don't worry my friends, when that day comes! You will be the first to know, we will all be there.
Reading: Laura Esquivel's "Law of Love"
Listening: Acustico - Rui Veloso
Seeing: Amelie from Montmatre
Thinking: Is it colder inside or outside?
cocasman@zmail.pt
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