Saturday, November 13, 2004

Chronicles of the Dark Side


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Chancellor Palpatine, finishes another day’s work in the republic, and gets on his overcoat to head back home. !
Upon getting home, the Chancellor heads down to the basement, where we puts a more comfortable set of dark clothes. The feeling of the Dark Side is more present in him now, assuming the true identity of Lord Sidous. He moves toward the entrance of one of his ant-chambers. At the entrance a dark figure awaits him.
-Nice to see you again, Lord Vader!
-I am here, my Master – Darth replies
-Did you took care of everything?
-Yes, Master. The luggage is loaded in to the Tie-Fighter, and we can leave whenever you are ready.
-Excellent. I look forward in completing your training in the realm of the Dark Side.
-May I inquire on our destination?
-Patience Lord Vader. We will soon be at desired coordinates. Our destiny is a pitful planet, in a minor galaxy, in the solar system.
-Earth?
-Yes, Lord Vader. We are going to Earth, where you can experience the full grandeur of the dark side of the force. The humans have a far better understanding of anger and hatred, than anyone else on this system.
-As you wish, my Master!
-I am sure, you will make, a fine apprentice, Lord Vader. Let us proceed to our destination.

Upon arrival to Earth, Lord Vader hides the ship from any means of detection available on Earth. The Halloween season, provides an excellent excuse for the appearance of these two strange looking figures.
-Provide us transportation, to the nearest airport – Lord Sidous asks.
-Yes, my lord!
Seeing a taxi approaching. Lord Vader hales the vehicle to halt, and opens the door to Lord Sidous.
-Take us to the airport – Darth Vader commands.
-Sure thing – the cab driver replies, adding – Where are you two dressed like that? A Halloween party? Isn’t it a bit early to be dressed up for parties?
-You will take us to the airport! – Darth persuades the driver mentally.
-I will take you to the airport! – the driver automatically reply
-You will ask no more foolish questions – Darth insists
-I will ask no more foolish questions – the driver repeats the command

And the car starts his motion to the airport.

-Good, Lord Vader! Your powers of persuasion are complete. We should have great use of that feature among this people.
-The mind of the Earthlings, poses no objection.
On the road, an accident blocks the passage of the taxi. Irritated, Lord Sidous demands explanations.
-We have stopped, Lord Vader! See to it that we are not stranded here. Our presence in the airport is of paramount importance.
-Your will my Lord… shall be respected. CAB DRIVER WAIT FOR ME, LEAVE THE MOTOR RUNNING, AND INSURE THE PROPER TEMPERATURE INSIDE THE VEHICLE.
Darth Vader leaves the cab to go the accident area. A car has crashed into a fuel truck, sustaining minor damage. Despite its fault, for driving intoxicated, the car driver argues with the truck driver for a sort compensation.
-You stupid fuck, look at what you did to my Golf! You must pay for this, you shit head you.
-Pay! You must be insane, you run over to the lane… get back to your car, and let the traffic flow.
Breathing heavily and impatiently, Darth Vader approaches the accident scene, coming from the long line of cars that are unable to move. After listening to a few more complaining of the car driver, Vader decides to levitate the man and ask him of justice.
-What have you done to the passage of this road? – approaching the man further to his body, Vader insists- why are we waiting for you? When you will get back to your vehicle and provides us with the passage we need?
Running out of patience, Vader sends the intoxicated driver through the air in direction of the car. The impact of the now unconscious man is enough to move the vehicle enough to grant the traffic to flow normally. The panic takes an hold of some people, that call for the authorities.
Back in the car, Darth Vader informs, Lord Sidious of the situation.
-You did well, my young apprentice, but we should not let our presence be known, we most restrain from use conspicuous powers in this area. Let us proceed to the airport, where your training will begin.
-As you wish my lord!
The taxi drives on towards the airport. Upon arrival, Darth Vader enforces a memory upon the driver
-YOU WILL FORGET OF ANY EVENTS THAT TOOK PLACE IN OUR PRESENCE. YOU WILL NOW DRIVE 1000 KMS TO THE NORTH AT A CONSTANT SPEED OF 65 KM PER HOUR.
Leaving the taxi behind, Darth Vader approaches his Master, who asks of him:
-Lord Vader, we need a lorry for our luggage. Provide one. Kickly.
-Yes my lord. – Proceeding to the area of parked lorries, Darth Vader gets to the last one. As he approaches the lorry, a man runs, and takes the lorry with him, saying:
-Hey! Tough luck, pal! Seems I got here first. You can get more lorries on the other side of the airport.
Making sure that none was watching, Darth Vader pulls out of his light sabre, and performers 3 swift movements into the man. As he grabs the lorry the man parts fall into to ground. Darth Vader disposes of the body parts in a near by recycle dumpster – on the organic session – then proceeding to the airport’s main entrance, where Lord Sidious waited him.
-Ah! Good! Your back! I see you had another victim to the death toll. You should restrain yourself.
-I will do my best, my Master!
-Let’s go now to the Flight departures desk
Proceeding to the West Jet desk, Lord Sidious notes that there is a flight to Montreal.
-Excellent! Everything is happening as I have forseen….
-NEXT! – the woman behind the desk screams, behind her busy desk
-Now let me do all the talking, before you decide to kill more people in the open. We have to be careful.
-NEXT – the woman repeats her cry.
-Hello! I would like 2 first class passages to Montreal on the 6 o’clock flight, please!
-I am sorry, I only have economic class!
-Oh dear… that is an inconvenience, but I guess it will have to do.
-Do you have any preference for the seats?
-Yes, I would like a window seat for me, and my friend would like to seat close to me.
-I am sorry, but you will have to be seated separated, although close to each other, but with a person in between you.
-Isn’t there any way of mending this situation.
-I am afraid not. Do you have any luggage?
-Yes. I do
-Did you packed everything yourself!?
-No, my servants did that for me.
-Please proceed to the guard over there, to make a quick inspection of your suit case.
-But…
-Now!
Unwillingly, both Darth Vader and Lord Sidious go towards the guard, for what it should be a quick inspection of the suitcase.
-Do you have any explosives or corrosive materials in your luggage, sir?
-Well, I cannot really say? – Sidious hesitates
-Why not?
-Because, I am going to Montreal, to build a grand army that will help us defeat the separatist movement!
-I understand you too well sir, those guys of the Bloc Quebecois, make me nauseas. You are free to go…
-But…
-That’s quite alright. I understand you too well…
Confused and dazzled with a revelation of a Bloc, Lord Sidious sees himself back to the desk of West Jet.
-Ok! Sir, now that you are all checked out. The last step is to pay!
-Pay!?
-Yes! The total will be 2053 dollares and 24 cents.
Tired of the airport protocol of checking in!
-YOU WILL LET US GO!
-I will let you go.
-YOU WILL FORGET ABOUT US
-I will forget about you
-WE CAN GO NOW
-You can go. Proceed to Gate 21
After passing Ticket Control, Lord Sidious and Darth Vader are detained in the metal detector area, because of Darth Vader’s light saber.
-Sir, please step into that area. Empty your pockets
Darth Vader complied.
-What is this metal item?
-It is my…
-It is an ordinary flash-light, reinforced in titanium to withstand the cold temperatures. You see, we are explorers of the Antarctic caves!!! AND YOU WILL LET US PASS!
-I will let you pass! They are cleared to go. Have a nice flight sir!
-Thank you.
After leaving the metal detector area, Lord Sidious says:
-Why did you brought your weapon? Their weaponry is meaningless to us. Your sabre could have costed us dearly. We are drawing to much suspicions to us. We can control each of these individuals one at a time, but we cannot control them all… plus it would affect the outcome of our mission… Lets go to our gate.
-As you wish, my Master.

To be continued!

cocasman@zmail.pt

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