Loveless year

May all the ones who shed a tear of love for me for the past 365 days forgive me, as I am not worthy of such affection.
My focus has been to endure the loss of my own deception, as I did believe that I had found a love of my own to cherish the rest of my days.
The good news is that I have no idea when my demise is set to occur, the odd news is that the baseless search of a proper replacement came with catastrophic results to those who put their feeling in me.
I deserve love as much as any other fella but I am not able to love by request. The few times I was granted the feeling, I was a victim of its intrusion rather than a welcoming host. Still, on the odd moments where the tune was the same for both hearts singing, I was blessed with the desire of an eternal of bliss of such magnitude.
Sadly, the magnitude of the feeling was not mutual and the length was scarce, which brings me to current times, where love as no dominion, but only echoes with vague promises of whatever love may be can be heard in the dead of night over the digital waves of our time.
My pursuit of love is much based on the "baseless fabric of this vision" - a chance to share without reservation or condition; the possibility of feeling the connection through a wink, a smile, a touch, a sigh, a breath, a single demonstration of affection that would leave no doubt in the path for that most wanted road of love.
The digital airwaves have produced ironic results, a willing partner that had way too many expectations for what dreams may come, and a partner thousands of miles away that could as well be eons out of sync.
And any attempts to rekindle that which was severed exactly one year ago was received with a dire No, on the grounds of lack of reciprocity.
Attempts to approach people that share the same time and space with me have been futile, either if they have a common context or if they are completely oblivious of who I am, and find themselves surprised by the proposition that a complete strange may notice them and is willing to expose himself with the following words:
Hello! You strike me as an interesting person.
If you want to know more, I am there.

Two weeks later
A longer trial, with more facts being exchanged, only to be received with suspicion.
The current  world does not reward the brave fools who dare expose themselves to the possibility of an hello.



And like so many others, these past few summers are tragic to me.
Either my friends are far away, or I feel intolerably lonely by the deprivation of what I hold dear - my sense of conspiracy with a fellow human to inspire awe in a shared fashion.

It is impossible not to be sad for a second, when this day reminds me, of all the possibilities this year could have unfolded, if my accomplice of back then was in tune with me to conquer the world by the mere presence of love.

I guess no new love can blossom if the soil I have to offer is still tainted with the resentment of being a castaway from the voyage I was willing to share with a true immortal beloved.

A purification time is still needed. Maybe soon enough, my passion can be cleansed from all the clogged shadows produced by a path of wishful thinking .

I am getting tired of the constant failures pertaining this regard.
I want to deserve better luck and enjoy all the perks that come with it.