Crap!
My soul is spellbound to be trapped into a loop of soothing memories that are blended with the sugar coating of wishful thinking. This by itself would be something wonderful to sink my reminiscing teeth into, but much like the proverbial sweetener, these memories are not without some unwelcoming side effects that leave a bruising heart. The irony of these recent assaults of memory is particularly annoying for the timing of it all, for these hollow recollections are shadowing what could have been a promising relationship.
One might argue, that the above mentioned pursuit of a past meaning is actually being driven by the jump start of this new relationship with someone that is an absolute opposite of whom my memory recalls so fondly, even though so undeserving how much paradoxical this might seem.
They say karma is a bitch, and the last episode to confirm this folk belief came with a bitter taste from a Zomato review. How could I have not remember to remove from my account the friendship with this past lovely foe? I wonder if this is the clogging of too much social media apps, and I worry to think how many more apps can stalk me in the future without me suspecting.
Let me clear this to you keen minds.
A few days ago, I have gotten a warning from Zomato that my ex had post a new review from a local restaurant, by clicking on the warning, I have got to see it and I was also served with the expected but unwanted Intel that her heart was also being served a course of passion.
Curses Zomato!!!
Why did you sour my day? How could you? Could you not tell that we were no longer in tune? That despite my stupid persistence for a love no longer given, that I a cannot be serve any information about that woman, specially about her love interests who do not interest me at all (may they be very happy and never have sour times {my lawyers demanded I included this sentence}).
And,(yes I start this paragraph with And and a comma, to emphasize), how come does this have to affect me, my life and my own possible current love interests?
Why do I have to dwell on the lyrics of a certain Edward Vedder, when he prophetically wrote
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life under somebody else's sky
But why, oh why, can't it be in mine?
I guess it couldn't and it won't. Period! (thank you Mr. Spicer)
So, my request to the universe is simply this... take this pain away from me, reset my heart, and allow me to fall in love for someone who clearly is more willing and has more to give me, with much more respect, love and care than the previous one did. Instead of that someone that had been singing from day one that this would not last, and it would be ruined somehow... What heartfelt delivery of passion was hidden behind those turbulent predictions, that unfortunately revealed to be true.
I guess, when we repeat something like a Mantra so many times, it ends up catching on and becoming true.
Maybe, we can start using for positive stuff and the world can be a better place.
Mental note - must give a try to positive mantras.
For now, I just want to purge the hollow pursuit of thinking about an ex-love as the relationship of a life, and instead seeing it for what it was. A passage in a specific time set, where I had to love, to learn, to suffer and to inherit a new Iris. As far as the latter feline is concerned, I think I got off with the better part of the deal. And I will enjoy it better too, just as soon as I get the bitter feeling out of the way and enjoy the new wonderful life's propositions, that seem more promising than what 2016 unravelled and to some extent 2017 have been painstakingly underlining.
Written fall of 2017
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