Rejection has such a powerful hold on me

I cannot explain why certain people's rejection affects so much my innerself.
I hate the fact that I completely lose focus on the good things about my life and I stay trapped in a feeling of misery and anxiety which ultimately leads to pain.
I am far from perfect and far from awful. I am as common as they come.
I want out.
This is not a happy time to be inside of Carlos. The problem is the managment of feelings, the management of anxieties.
There is no one to blame.
I just do not know what to do.
I go out
I seek other people
But every now and again, a memory lurks.
And I remember the rejection.
The happiness that was not sufficient to convince another that I could be the one.
This pain now is teaching me that she is not the one, because no one deserves so much pain. and no love can come from pain.
I miss her
I miss the conversations
I miss the dancing in the street among hundreds of people going by
I miss the bytes and the bits
I miss the smiles and the hugs.
It takes time, I know that sooner or later  it will all be well.
Maybe everything already is well.
I am just trapped in a ill ill ill perspective.

People tell me thar I profit from this
compassion
solidarity

i just want to profit one thing
Peace

A bit of peace at last.
That never seems to come, even if I am living in the golden cage.

No cage will ever bring me peace.