To die for

No one could have believed that I would die.
Actually, I am very much alive, only to realize that a part of me dies everyday.
The death of the dream consumes my reality in ways that I did not fathom.
I threw myself into the rabbit hole only to realize that there was no world out there.
I deseperately want to believe that I am better than what I feel, but all I face is dark feelings.
If I had the courage I would die, just to live as the coward that I really am... and escape from it all.
It is so tiresome to be me, and to hear this nagging thoughts every day.

I am so tired, that I would die not to listen, not to see, not to touch, not to feel.
The dream collapsed and with it my heart lost all hope for the future.
I live in a grey area, as the saddest character from a Orwell universe.

I grieve for me.
Stop please!