The bitter-sweet caress of obsession

"I hate myself and I want to die"
I believe that Kurt Cobain wrote something like this.
I have no idea what drives a man to loath so much his own personna to a state of uter repulse for what he is.

There was a time, maybe not so long ago, maybe not even passed, where I too was too obsessed for what certain people though of me.
I would grant them a power they were not even aware they had.
I called it love and assumed that it was the most profound love I ever had felt.
In fact the power was that of rejection and obsession.
It is simple, I would first being to long for the person and then when I would manifest my desire for the person, the person would show her lack of interest for my feelings, and that would make me feel quite upset and sad. I had such an unrealistic perspective of my wonderful qualities that it was unbareable to believe why would anyone would refuse to be with me, for a talk, to get to know me.
I would then believe that these people would know something that I do not know, something about me.
And I would start thinking of what was the view they had of me.
This was the view I was starting to have of myself.
Now this is the part that it is real sick about this all ordeal, I have no idea of what their idea is of me, all I have is my conception of what their idea must be of me. So I would become obsessed about  my lack of value. And this would be the value I would grant myself.
It is so annoying to feel myself esteem so destroyed by a figment of my own imagination.
My little obsessions consume me. They make me think that I can find love here and there, and then when it is all happening in my head, they make me think that I have nothing worth.
These days, I find it easier to put it here, the mad feelings of this character of mine.
I am growing tired of talking about them to my friends.
Several reasons for this.
1) Here is safely public. I tell it to the world
2) I repeat myself too much, on my negative rumblings
3) i have no real-life problems, i only have real-illusion  problems
4) What is my worth?

And so I feed the illusion of obsession.
I am so tired of this.
This obsession is so lonley at times.
It sufocates me.