No surprises

Oh universe.
I could tell you so many things about my "great expectations", but instead I feel that anything I have to bring to you, comes as no surpise.
After all, any emotions I carry are but a shadow of what others have already experienced before me.
I am flustered by the things I have to do.
I am having a hard time dealing with emotions I have been experiencing.
And although this seems to be a more peaceful year, I still feel completely absorbed by the ill energy around me. I hate this feeling. i loathed it. It brings me no peace, instead I choke upon the painstaking task of having to go beyond my borders.
It is a challenge for so many.
Today!
IT should come as no surprise that I have a complete disrespect for myself and all that I stand for, regarding my objectives in life, which appear to be none, if I keep living for the fantasy impossible. Also living for now, seems to fickle and impossible to master...

What suprises are there available?
Fortunately, I bury these feelings up in the cloud.
If one day, somebody finds them, they might ask me, what was wrong with me now, and if I can still recall, most likely I could answer:
"that was a shitty day!"
But was it?

Stop and ponder on that thought for a moment!

...

I have life
I have health
I have friends and family
I have people that care for me
I have a home and food at every meal
I have 2 jobs and plenty of opportunities to expand my knowledge
I have love
I have time
I have joy
I have you

But still, I feel the frustration of not being able to clear the chains that prevent me to go further.
And with this cloud of dust that is building up around me. I am ready to say: That I hate this feeling, and I want it out. Purged from my existence.
It is telling me that something is terribly wrong, and I feel trapped, unable to say or do anything.

Oh pew!
Big suprise there