To be

"We are neither malevolent nor benevolent"
but, I think you knew about this.

So what am I?
A shadow, an echo?

I know thee. You want to be loved and adored.
But it is not by anyone. To be love by common people, will not make a sign of difference.
Pity! There are so many "common" people who would make your day worthwhile if only you would give them a few minutes of your time.

Perchance you assume that the people who you know, or whom you think you know, have a high value.
Do they?
The lesson this week, is that you have nothing but illusions.
Maybe last year's lesson, was that you were receiving love, when in fact you were only an entertainer. Somebody, whose charm and wit is worth spending some time with, but heaven forbids of a lifetime with you.

I guess, that the story is no different now. The main difference is that the game is completely open. So open, that your defenses are starting to crumble.
It will not take too long until the shadows take over, and you will be again mush, in the hands of those, whom you so blindly put your trust in.

What is it about these people that makes you want to give so much of yourself?
What possible illusion do you fabric within to make you want to dive, deeply, into the shadow.
There is not much you can add to this strange and sad affair.
I guess it is always the same.
First few days, weeks, if your lucky, months are times of joy and contentment, and then something caves in.
The patience on the other side crumbles.
Oh well, maybe this too is all an illusion.

The curse about this condition of mine, is that it prevents me to understand what is really and what isn't.
I end up feeling like a puppet, doing all that I can to please others, hoping so deseperately not to be abandoned.
Not to be abandoned.
Where was I abandoned?
Where did I lost my self-esteem?
Where did I misplace my peace?
And why do I keep searching for it in others, that soon enough get bored, and send me way, with the excuse that they are not good enough, for the likes of me, who turns out to be so extraordinary, that I do not even register in the count of love and passion.

So, who am I?
Just another boring man, looking for a purpose.
I am tired of this.
Soon, I will be sad
And the history will ciclical, repeat itself, because I have no faith anymore.