Silence

"It's the great, big, broad land 'way up yonder, 

It's the forests where silence has lease; 

It's the beauty that thrills me with wonder, 

It's the stillness that fills me with peace"

The spell of the Yukon by Robert W. Service

Where silence has lease is where my soul finds the quiet melody of inner peace. Surrounding me in that unique space of zero frequencies, I feel the pulse of my own symphony - the song unwritten screaming to be sung and yet finding no safe passage to the surface of reality. This twilight like place of inner light and inner quietude fills me with the prospect of a life beyond the flesh. So, this inner soundless song, can be felt rather than heard when I let go of all expectations and accept the present in me for what it is - a subtle gift of existence. 

I sometimes forget that me as an I or a self contained being, am more than the whole sum of this life of worldly experiences which this vessel allowed me to experience thus far. These hopes, dreams and disappointments are nothing more than echoes of a flesh like hunger... a thirst for comfort. Sumptuous food, delicate sounds, soft touch, aromatic essence, breathtaking views - all are nothing more than mere desires from the senses pinned to my soul as demands of my body existence. 

So, I need to plunge into that mirror pool of silence to cleanse myself, from all the noises of wants and needs the world teases me with, like a sort of mâitre d' would in a fancy cosmos. Because if I do not, I will always be on the look out for the next big experiment to indulge myself with. During this lifetime, I have looked for love and affection in all the wrong places and for all the wrong reasons. Always as a means to bring meaning to a life that has in itself an abundance of meaning and requires nothing more than just being. 

Unfortunately the soul that is experiencing the existence has forgotten that he is the player and not the character, thus the wants and needs of the character are not really his own. And so, the noise of grief that is uttered to himself every now and again is not actually his, but a projection of what the character has been driven to do. 

I need to recoil myself to the inner silence of purpose and truly feel that the best is yet to come, even though there is nothing like the present - that in the field of dreams where there is nothing stopping me from feeling whole again.

Now...Let us be quiet and still for a few seconds that may last like forever, but this unique present can truly grant you a moment of peace without thought, so that at last that inner song of silence may be finally be heard with the ears of the soul - and meaning and purpose can be restored. 

Earthquake

A couple of days ago there was a 5.3 earthquake of the west coast of Portugal at 5:11 am. A lot of people were shaken by this and weren't able to go back to sleep. For a few days, that was the main topic of conversation among people. After all how common is it for the earth to shake beneath our feet. It turns out, that it is quite common, but most of it is so mild that people dismiss as if a heavy lorry just drove by the street and shook some windows with the unwanted trepidation. 

The truth of the matter is that we are all frightened with our own demise. It shakes us to the core to know that we might die at any minute, that it is beyond our control. The illusion that we will leave a bit longer is important to permeate the false sense of security we might have. This is quite simple a middle class problem, a group of people who think they have the bare minimum to live a comfortable life, but are not aware that they are slaves to a system of existencial rules that they help to impose everyday by living according to what is expected or perchance to impress others. 

So I guess, in symbolic terms it is good to have a quake every now and again to remind us all of our mortality, even though, the shake itself is insufficient to awake the soul inside the mindless drones that roam the daily life as ordinary citizens. They are all trying desperately to fit in, in a society that is designed to crumble if the earth shakes too much, because altruism and compassion are not in the front mind of most of them but rather pride, envy and ambition. 

Until we quake again...

Trash

Nothing wielding onto this white piece of technological canvas, have I been able to craft  such a meaningful creation that might earn a quality seal that explains what waste is. To write about trash  having not dwell on the matter for a certain length, it is to impose a voice of one's soul that knows so little about garbage as of any other issue in this so-called reality. 

What is trash then? 

Perchance the remains of a once purposeful item that has now been rendered useless by the current owner and as such has been shown to a proper litter box, where items with similar purpose are being gather to be evicted from the premisses of the manor.

But the detritus of some might be the broken pieces that complete a new purpose for others. Like so many things in this life, everything, even trash is a very relative term. After all the peels of fruit and vegetables can be used to do fertilizers that can help with the crops. 

The fuel fossil that powers so many of the machines in the man's world are actually made of remains of beings that lived many years ago. If anyone was around to see it they might refer to it as a sort of trash, but after a cycle of rebirth is completed a new purpose was found. So trash is only trash from a very narrow point of view. 

Granted that for mankind, the accumulation  of so-called trash, brings many problems for the organization of the world as a living entity, but truth be told, nature has a way of taking the trash out and recycling for many of our generations. From the stand point of nature itself, we too as a species will become fossil fuel for other species to come. 

Despite being a very unpleasant item to have, most of the waste that is produced today comes from excess comfort. People tend to have more than they need and disband easily what they assume is pointless. However, pointless is in itself an interpretation. Likewise, the words that are stated here for many can be just an expression of my views in 2024, but most likely to many will be just trash. 

Essence

I begun with a spark

That is my essence

I will end the nature that comprises this being like a flame the shines brighter than its origin. 

The pure energy that pulsates within these heartfelt veins pomp in me the will to feel, to long, to exist, to go further.

Of all that is pure, life lies in the dreams that propel me forward,

yet I look backwards to see how far I have come, 

not knowing exactly how far must I go. 

Perchance to stay in the moment, in the now of events, to be who nothing more than me.

In my travels I came across many shades of being

stranded in this spiraling third rock unknowingly what song ressonates with in.

Shadows do not dimmer my days, for the light of self-confidence shines the path that brought me here

Thoughts, words and actions are but the building blocks of creation.

So until, my very last thought I will speak the word that comprises the action of being all that I am and not an ounce more than I was meant to become. 

With this pulsating life, I am now still thankful to be for as long as I have to be.

Perchance to be

Dear self, it is quite alright to be you. 

The world is not concerned about your role during your lifetime. In the point of view of the universe you are but a speck of dust that will have little to none relevance in the cosmic scheme of things. That being said you have your own human experience to consider. This time here and now are meant for you to play out an array of situations, explore your feelings and reason into existence whatever might be the purpose of yourself. Perhaps like the fisherman story, your purpose is just to spend your time fishing and enjoying the catch of the day with friends and family while the sunset carries the sun out of sight. 

To be the good guy or the bad one it really doesn't matter. I mean for you it is the most important thing. But that only applies in very relative terms.  You can keep on thinking what is expected of you, how important are you, what rules should you follow? 

But face the facts in absolute terms, two hundred years from now nobody will have any idea of who you were and what was your role for the first half of the twenty-first century, granted that you will get there.

So, I not do yourself a favor, and just be, who you feel like being. A movie director, an editor, a lover, a dreamer, a listener, a street wanderer, a star gazer, a cheap cook, it doesn't matter. Just take time to be, experience, enjoy, savor the bag of emotions that were designed for you. Define a purpose that makes sense to you. Do not expect for the cheers of others, they will not come. You came alone into the world, and in time you will cease this experience and be alone - in the new role the universe might cast you.

 

Light

Go into the light. The message is strong, as it is the first thing a new born does when leaving the womb for the first time and experience light for the first time. If one as a natural birth, it might seem like crossing a tunnel and reaching a new destination - your life. Oddly enough, the imagination of many authors is that life should pretty much the same way, where you might experience a new tunnel towards a light that might lead you to a new possibility of being - an afterlife to be sure. In some sense, the light bears the calm as opposition to the scares of darkness. On the other hand, historically, darkness has also been a form of protection to hide from possible predators or enemies that might try to put you in the spotlight. In the navy, the lighthouse has been a sentinel which warns the seamen of the dangers along the shores by using a pulse of light that rotates in a certain pattern carrying a message. Light has been linked to hope, not just because of the connection with birth and afterlife, but rather the need to bring light over darkness in all issues. Light brings clarity wherever darkness has lease. Mind you that light imposes on darkness, but cannot overcome the physical hence leaving the echoes of darkness behind in the form of shadows. Shadows themselves which operate in the twilight, unable to be in either of the world. In the darkness they cannot be seen, and in the light they are exposed for the figment of imagination they might have been if not for the light.

Addiction to Technology

If I spend too many hours using technology am I addicted?

I think so. One day, I looked at my Instagram stats and it said I had an daily use of about 4 to 5 hours, and that is just one app.

After all, I start my day looking at my cellphone. Usually, I will search on Whatsapp and Instagram if I got any new messages. E-mail hasn't been a communication tool for me in a while. I use it for official purposes and those answers usually take a while to come back. I know that I am emotionally connected via technology to other people, so I look at my phone or my computer to see if I get any response from people that I am invested in some way, romantically, affectionately, professionally... 

To distract myself from my worries, I use apps like duolinguo to pretend I am learning a new language, or Instagram to pretend that I am getting information about the world, when all I get are tidbits of digested info designed to lure me into an endless loop of vertical swipes. 

I also come home and turn on streaming apps like Prime TV, Max or Disney to find some consumable series or movies that might burn some time and possible blur my focus further from my own life issues. It is like taking a glass of wine just to dull the feelings. I guess I do this more when I feel l am alone and it is been feeling unbearably lonely as of late. (Not that being a lone is a problem, feeling as if it is loneliness that makes it into a problem and quite frankly the way I have been dealing with it makes it a problem). 

The worst side effect that it has on me is creating a shorter span of attention. It is becoming increasingly more difficult to focus on information. Reading books has been substituted by eBooks but I don't even spend that much time reading, because it requires a focus that it has been missing. 

Earlier today, I fiddled with the idea of loneliness and it has become clearer to me that my interaction with the technology is responsible for my growing loneliness... So if I spend time looking at an app to see if I get a reply to a message, it can only mean that I am addicted to the trigger of response. 

Side-note: Many years ago, when I was a teenager, the entertainment at the house was VHS movies or series and Spectrum video-games, that would take about 5 minutes or so to load. Back then I noticed that I was being too addicted to that, so I tried a week of without playing, I do not remember if I steered clear of the TV entertainment at the same time. I know that for a few days it produce some effect on me. It was good. I am considering backing off from technology for awhile, just to see if I can rebound my feelings to a better state. 

But, I know that it is going to be hard to disconnect, because I feel that to do so, is to cut myself from the hive where my family and friends are most of the time. 

You see, we have agreed to be seemingly semi-permanently  connected to a Net of information and entertainment that keep us distracted from being alive and this happens to a point where we cannot stand to be in the place where silence has lease. 

Maybe I should start with a small diet, granting myself one hour of internet access per day and use it accordingly. Books will hopefully be a patch to outgrow this addiction. 

I hope I make it better and realize that being alone does not preclude a loneliness sentence.

Loneliness of a lonely August

I am the owner of a lonely life all because I tend poorly of my many friends. 

August, this wrecked warm month of fires and beaches, has had this depressive effect on me. A sense of  loneliness that seems to pour heavily on me during its tenure. Ever since I was a young boy, I would see my friends happily roaming south with their families as if they were storks enjoying the good weather and harvesting the best of memories. Alas, my parents were not of the traveling kind. Mostly my vacations would be spent at home or sometimes going to the near by beaches on the south shore of Lisbon's Metropolitan Area with my mother or some friends that would happen to be stranded between journeys of their own. Occasionally, I might go with my mom up north to visit my grandparents. For reasons not important for this post, my dad only started going with us after I was eleven. My first memory of him going there, was actually to "rescue" us from a large fire that was menacing  the area in the summer of 1988. But granted that this would become a staple in my memory for a most unique summer, since that same year I think I traveled with my parents to Spain for the very first time.

But, this year again, I feel the empty caress of the lonesome heart during the summer of 2024. Luckily, my professional occupation has kept me traveling all over Portugal during two weeks, bringing some larger meaning to my days. It is interesting though that my life's meaning comes from my work. I would say that this does not bode well for my retirement years, twenty years from now. 

Maybe if I have a more nuclear family of my own, I can manage to enjoy the summer better. 

Still, it is not good to wish upon companionship to give one's life meaning, after all I should sustain myself for who I am or for whomever I might become. 

My many friends know how to entertain themselves during the summer. Some are married with children, others living abroad pursuing their purposes, others just better at enjoying their lonely time, others better at tending relationships, hence being able to find a group of friends to make the best of their time. 

Now, my "summer vacations" are all most up and they leave me not with a bag full of enjoyable memories, but rather the holes of empty space spent resting because there was nothing more appealing to do. Well, a couple of duolinguo's German courses, a couple hundred pages read of Stephen Chbosky's Imaginary Friend, some extra shots and interviews for a documentary about my mother's home village (from which I cannot seem to make heads or tails of its structure), eating, walking, exercising for half an hour, binging Season 2 of Star Trek's Prodigy, and of course wishing upon stars over skies that too cloudy for me to make wishes.

I guess my wish for this summer would be  for me to stop feeling so lonely but rather more appreciative f the simple things that present myself during each day and may be then I could revert to a self sustain individual that is well, independently if the company is present or not.

"After all festivities all guests must depart... this sadness, I do not know. When I go home, the moon goes with me and my shadow follows me" excerpt from Li-Po's The Little Fete.

 

Perseides

Perseides are "those born of Perseus and Andromeda"

In astronomic terms, it is the season where we should gaze at the night skies and behold the shooting stars... those meteorites that burst into flames as they hurdle at phenomenal speeds pulled by our own Earth's gravity.

This is starry season apparently, unfortunately for me during these days the weather is rather cloudy on my neck of the woods. So if I was suppose to make a wish upon the site of a shooting star, I am unable to, seen that I am unable to see when they are actually, well... shooting.

So the myth will have to hold on for one year more. I know, from experience, that this is no myth. I have seen in previous years shooting stars around this time of the year. The astronomers explanation that this is due to the Earth's orbit passes by a debris field of a previous planet or moon or space body, that increase the chance of actual meteorites being pulled in hence creating the shooting stars spectacle that cause awe and wonder... plus allowing for the fantasy of fulfilling or at least wish upon some new objective.

I guess what is left to be stated is my wish. I will tell you, as if you, who know me, did not know already. 

Reciprocal and prosperous love. If not for all the inhabitants of the world, well at least for me. After all I am the one making it, and I do not feel that altruistic about it.

Nonetheless, I guess it will have to wait one more year, until the perseides are granted clear skies for clear wishes to be unequivocally conceded to those who make them happen.

Perseus and Andromeda, I guess I will see your kids next year. Take care of you, deities.

 

 

888

 Allegedly, today is an special day, as we are in the eight day of the eighty moment, on the year whose numbers add up to eight (2+0+2+4). 

I have a wishful thinking where it comes to my mystical side. Always thinking on the best possible outcome of course. If there are aliens, I trust that they will be good, at least I do prefer those kinds rather than those who bring there own cookbook "To serve man".

The energy of angels is among us, it will be to inspire us and not to destroy us. This is a process of growth even if the earth seems doomed to undergo some hard changes will it harbor our species. I wonder for how long. In absolute terms it does not matter at all, for the universe proceeds its course, even if this "enlightened species" will not prevail.

I have no wisdom to offer for the 888. The Chinese like that combination. Apparently the energetic blessing will offer some kind of inspirational energy to those who are willing to welcome it into their being. I am not sure of any of that. Maybe it will even counter the effects of the so called retrograde Mercury - an optical effect caused by the two planet's orbits which gives for a short period the impression that Mercury is going backwards hence serving as a omen of bad luck for many things.

My advice, for this day and all others, remains the same...

In times of doubt, despair, joy, love, neutral... for any times actually, take time to breathe consciously and hear your heartbeat. That is the ultimate proof that there is a clock ticking inside of you that offers you with ever stroke the possibility of being. Your choice is what is it that you want to be... regardless of the circumstances around you. You are an expression of the divine just for being alive. Stay conscious of your presence here and now, and you can let the flow of the apparent run its course, because it will keep on running long after your last stroke has sounded inside of you.

So today and everyday celebrate this... you are the unique expression of love for being.