Loneliness of a lonely August

I am the owner of a lonely life all because I tend poorly of my many friends. 

August, this wrecked warm month of fires and beaches, has had this depressive effect on me. A sense of  loneliness that seems to pour heavily on me during its tenure. Ever since I was a young boy, I would see my friends happily roaming south with their families as if they were storks enjoying the good weather and harvesting the best of memories. Alas, my parents were not of the traveling kind. Mostly my vacations would be spent at home or sometimes going to the near by beaches on the south shore of Lisbon's Metropolitan Area with my mother or some friends that would happen to be stranded between journeys of their own. Occasionally, I might go with my mom up north to visit my grandparents. For reasons not important for this post, my dad only started going with us after I was eleven. My first memory of him going there, was actually to "rescue" us from a large fire that was menacing  the area in the summer of 1988. But granted that this would become a staple in my memory for a most unique summer, since that same year I think I traveled with my parents to Spain for the very first time.

But, this year again, I feel the empty caress of the lonesome heart during the summer of 2024. Luckily, my professional occupation has kept me traveling all over Portugal during two weeks, bringing some larger meaning to my days. It is interesting though that my life's meaning comes from my work. I would say that this does not bode well for my retirement years, twenty years from now. 

Maybe if I have a more nuclear family of my own, I can manage to enjoy the summer better. 

Still, it is not good to wish upon companionship to give one's life meaning, after all I should sustain myself for who I am or for whomever I might become. 

My many friends know how to entertain themselves during the summer. Some are married with children, others living abroad pursuing their purposes, others just better at enjoying their lonely time, others better at tending relationships, hence being able to find a group of friends to make the best of their time. 

Now, my "summer vacations" are all most up and they leave me not with a bag full of enjoyable memories, but rather the holes of empty space spent resting because there was nothing more appealing to do. Well, a couple of duolinguo's German courses, a couple hundred pages read of Stephen Chbosky's Imaginary Friend, some extra shots and interviews for a documentary about my mother's home village (from which I cannot seem to make heads or tails of its structure), eating, walking, exercising for half an hour, binging Season 2 of Star Trek's Prodigy, and of course wishing upon stars over skies that too cloudy for me to make wishes.

I guess my wish for this summer would be  for me to stop feeling so lonely but rather more appreciative f the simple things that present myself during each day and may be then I could revert to a self sustain individual that is well, independently if the company is present or not.

"After all festivities all guests must depart... this sadness, I do not know. When I go home, the moon goes with me and my shadow follows me" excerpt from Li-Po's The Little Fete.